Making It Up To You
by Fedski
Summary: Darien has something to say. "It's everything I ever wanted to tell you..."
1. Prologue

**Hi all,**

**Fedski here with something new, and still apologizing for something old. I'm sorry but I have a plan for 'A First Meeting' but it just doesn't want to be written at the moment. Please forgive me!**

**Anyway, this is sort of a collection of one shot(ish) writings, but has a storyline too – if that makes sense o.O**

**Here's the prologue!**

**Bye All!**

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><p><strong><span>Making It Up To You<span>**

** By Fedski**

Darien sat at his desk. The dim nightlight the only source of light other than the bluish glow from the computer. He sat there with a frown upon his face, attention directed solely to the screen before him. This was his last chance. He would be heading off to Harvard in a few days, his bags were packed, his furniture already sold and new ones purchased and delivered to his new apartment in the United States. Sadly, these were his last days in Japan, something he had always dreamed about, but now, as the moment loomed ever nearer, he began to dread.

He had become comfortable here. Ever since leaving the orphanage he slowly built himself a life here, he had made something of himself here, he made friends here, he had found love here. It was here that he learnt to live again. It was thanks to _her_ being here that he had learnt to live again and that was what he was stuck over now. How could he tell her how much he loved her and then leave? And yet, somehow it would be too painful to stay. So he had made up his mind. He had to tell her how he felt before he left.

He had always thought better after putting his thoughts on paper and that's what he chose to do now. It was the least he could do to make it up to her.

_My Dear Serena…_


	2. Klutz

**Hi again! First chapter up! I guess that you'll probably get the gist of it from this chapter, I already have a few other chapter ideas in mind, but feel free to give me any suggestions and I'll try incorporate them too!**

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><p><strong>Making It Up To You<strong>

** By Fedski**

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><p><strong>Klutz<strong>

_My Dear Serena…_

I never thought you were a klutz. I saw you at the ball, you danced so beautifully then, you didn't trip over once. I saw the looks the other guys were shooting you and I knew I couldn't hold out for much longer so I swept in and hopefully, swept you off your feet.

You surprised me though, I was expecting stubbed toes and stilettos to the arch, but you never trod on me once. You floated in your movements; it seemed as if you were dancing on air.

I was prepared to catch you in case you tripped, but you proved that fear unnecessary, you held yourself so regally, I could have sworn that you were my princess. It felt like you were a feather floating in the air, I had but to touch you and you followed my movements seamlessly. I've danced with a few other girls, but dancing with you was a completely different experience for me. I don't know how to say this without sounding lame or clichéd but… It felt so right when you were in my arms then; like we were made to dance together. It felt like you were my other half, the completion to this confusing thing called my life.

The serene look on your face as we danced made me look at you as a graceful angel rather than the rambunctious whirlwind I had mistaken you for. The fact that you could hold both dispositions confused me to no end. You are a walking paradox; you amazed me then and you amaze me now.

From then on, you might have noticed, I always stumbled over my words when I called you a klutz. Every time you tripped over or ran into me I could help but remember the beautiful dancer I saw that night and my insults stuck in my throat. I had to force them out and as a consequence they sounded harsher too.

I'm sorry for that, my prima ballerina, but I never could see you as a klutz after that. Not after such a wonderful sight as you were.


	3. Stupid

**Hey again! New Chapter! :D**

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><p><strong>Making It Up To You<strong>

**By Fedski**

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><p><strong>STUPID<strong>

_My Dear Serena…_

I never thought you were stupid. Although my initial reaction to your 30 scored test cried otherwise. From the moment I looked up from that test and into your eyes I could see that you had put all the effort you could have mustered into that one test and I felt like a fool. Good grades had always come easy to me. With not much else to occupy my time and my apparently abnormal interest in learning everything I could, it had always been easy for me to study and research and experiment. It wasn't until grade five that I truly began to understand my obsession with school work was irregular for that of a ten year old. Seeing others struggle with school work I assumed that they simply did not work hard enough for their marks, but when you looked at me so forlornly that moment I insulted your intelligence, was when I truly began to realize that wisdom isn't determined by test marks, but by common sense.

I was amazed by how unobservant you seemed to everyone else, yet you knew exactly the correct motives behind people. You could tell when people were hiding things from you but more impressively you knew when to _let_ them. You never seemed to push for your way even if you knew it would be easier on everyone else in the end, you knew that people had to learn through their own mistake and that babying them and their decisions would only hurt them more in the end.

You knew that friendship was more important than anything and you strived to keep the harmony in every situation. You took all the bad aspects and presented your friends with all the good ones. You helped Amy to know when enough was enough, you helped Raye release her anger over her parents' dysfunction, you helped Lita to realize that there is a time and a place to enforce her strength and you helped Mina to see that there is such a thing as true friends. You helped Andrew to know that there are people like him who are just as optimistic and I know that he treasured your brightness; it kept him cheerful and sunny like you.

But most of all you helped me. I never thought I could ever be tutored by you, but you helped me to learn that there is no way that I could not enjoy life so long as I was living for the ones I loved. I'm sorry that I ever called you stupid; I was just too dense to see that you were so bright.


	4. Selfish

**LiLaHo! Thank you James Birdsong and boston for your encouraging reviews! This chapter is dedicated to the two of you! **

**I have a few more ideas for this fic but like I said earlier shout out if there is a 'quality' of Serena that I've missed or that you think Darien should apologise for!**

**Darien: I resent that remark. I only speak the truth.**

**Fedski: ummm…**

**Serena: FEDSKI! DARIEN'S BEING MEAN AGAIN!**

**Fedski: *shuffles off to the side***

***Serena and Darien mouth off begins***

***Fedski gets hit by flying shoe***

**Fedski: *Swirly eyed* On with the show!**

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><p><strong>Making It Up To You<strong>

**By Fedski**

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><p><strong>SELFISH<strong>

_My Dear Serena…_

I never thought you to be selfish. Although I constantly berated your bemoaning attitude I knew that you never meant any of it. Most of the time it was an act to distract people from their own worries with your 'idiocy'. To be truthful I don't even know why I had ever called you that, looking back I cannot see a single time when you acted selfishly.

You were always there for a friend and would go out of your way to help them, like heading half way across town to return a disc Amy forgot for her computer class or risking a scolding for coming home late because Mina needed a shoulder to cry on when her latest boyfriend broke up with her. But I guess the moment that highlighted it to me was that concert that was going on in Kyoto. Mina, Lita, Amy and yourself were going to attend, Raye hadn't been able to go not receiving permission until the day before. You were all at the arcade and Raye was in a depressed mood realizing she'd be left behind. I saw you faking coughs and sneezes and when I saw you again the next day talking with Andrew instead of being in Kyoto I knew what you had done. You see meatball head, no one but you would fake sick to give their friend their ticket to their favourite band. And no one but you would sit calmly through the next few days as they all discussed how amazing the concert was without so much as one scowl or hint of regret.

You see you're special like that, in the way that you want everyone around you to be happy, and I am absolutely sure that you would sacrifice your life if it would mean that everyone in the world would be happy, even just for a moment. So understand, meatball head, when I say that no matter how hard you pretended not to care I could see that you even cared for me, which was amazing for me considering how I treated you. And I gotta say, that feeling, of knowing that you cared so much for me while I was treating you like garbage made me wanna do my head in several times, and so, being the idiot that I am I pushed harder to prove that you weren't so perfect, but of course that backfired, because you are absolutely amazing my selfless angel.


	5. Lazy

**Guess who's back? *crickets chirp* Oh well… Moving forward. Thanks to loveinthebattlefield for reviewing the last chappie! This one's dedicated to you, I hope that it wasn't too long of a wait, sorry!**

**Serena: Yeah Fedski. It _has_ been a while since the last update.**

**Fedski: Ummm…**

**Darien: Serena, don't go casting stones (Cookies to anyone who knows where that's from! ^.^)**

**Serena: Darien how could you take _her_ side?**

**Fedski: YEAH! How could you take my side?**

**Darien: ….. you know what? Never mind! *Walks off***

**Serena and Fedski: DA-RI-EEEEEEN!**

**Plot Bunny: On with the show!**

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><p><strong>Making It Up To You<strong>

**By Fedski**

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><p><strong>LAZY<strong>

_My Dear Serena…_

I never thought you were lazy. Although the argument came up so often in my rebuttals I knew that you were the most hard working person I'd ever known. You see, I made myself sound like the majority of the world, I kept saying that you could only prove you're prolific by the end results, your productivity, and I made it a point to constantly remind you of the lack of any baring your name. But really I knew I was wrong, I knew the argument was weak. Whereas the world sees productivity as wealth, good scores, a job or material things I knew that you saw it differently.

Sure you liked those things, but what you really invested your time and energy into was people and people don't really leave a tangible declaration of your efforts. I kept waving my diplomas and certificates in your face saying that those pieces of paper in my hand were the results of hard work but I knew that you had already put in more hard work your seventeen years than I ever put in in my nineteen years. Cultivating good grades is easy, sure it requires determination and time, but cultivating people, helping them grow, learn, teaching them to love themselves and the world, not only does that require determination and time, it also requires a good attitude, the ability to speak at the right times, the energy to stay awake through the night to comfort a distraught friend, the gall to speak the truth even when it may hurt, the drive to give up your time and your wellbeing to look after theirs and plenty more. It's a long list Serena, and you kept acing every single one of them, there was nothing you couldn't or wouldn't do for a friend, or really anybody for that matter. You'd make friends so easily when we all went out. We'd go to the beach and within minutes you're introducing us to five other kids and asking them to join a volleyball game with us. You'd sit at a bus stop and in no time at all have the lady next to you's life story and you'd be genuinely interested.

You amaze me with how you know all these people and how devoted you are to each and every one of them. No favour was too big or small. And you were always ready to give.

I'm sorry for ever thinking you were lazy; I guess I really was just jealous by how much you outshone me.


	6. Unreliable

**Konnichiwa minna! Genki desu ka?**

**It's V Day here and I thought why not post something nice up!**

**Again I want to give a special thanks to loveinthebattlefield for reviewing my story. I'm sorry to hear about you're father and wish you and your family all the best in this troubled time. I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

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><p><strong>Making It Up To You<strong>

**By Fedski**

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><p><strong>UNRELIABLE<strong>

_My Dear Serena…_

I never thought you were unreliable. Though I gotta say it was the one point I was worried about for the longest time. I know I often accused you of it, but I was just because you made it so easy by always arriving at everything just in the nick of time. Even now as I say it, I mean it as a compliment, I know that for when it truly counts you would never let anyone down and I understand that most of your so called 'unreliable moments' happen due to circumstances out of your control.

Only you, Serena, would be scolded for turning up ten minutes late for Sammy's surprise birthday party because you noticed a little girl being bullied by two older brats and actually stopped to help. You didn't mention it to your family though, not wanting to detract any more attention away form the birthday boy and calmly accepted their berating.

And although your friends may not be able to rely on you to get to the movie theatre on time for the film, I'm sure that bullied little girl and the old man who's shopping you helped carry home can almost certainly depend on you to lend a hand when they need it most.

At first I didn't realise, but as I began to watch you I began to understand why Andrew always thanks you for coming in to the arcade, especially on Saturdays. It escaped my attention at first, but I started to see those thankful glances Andrew sent you when you distracted a bunch of people with your gaming so he could hurriedly clean tables or stock up. Whether it was the fuss you made over loosing so easily, or those rare, but exciting moments when you were blitzing the game, you were always able to distract people long enough so Andrew could do what needed to be done to keep him number one in is boss' books. And don't think I didn't notice how you played your cards as a 'loyal customer' to mention to the boss that Andrew is a great worker. Surprisingly, you sounded so mature and confident as you said it that I honestly believe he took account of what you said, not like he did with the several other 'Andrew Fan Girls'. It also didn't escape my knowledge that this conversation took place around the time Andrew's pay rise occurred. I think it's great that Drew has someone like you to rely on and I think, if I were to ask him, he'd say you've never let him down.

I never really had a reason to rely on you, but I unconsciously did all the same. Every time I walked into the Crowne, I counted on your smile, your laughter, your retorts, your tongue wars and, in general, _you_ to make me forget about my crappy past and scary youma-fighting nights. You may be a bit late to some events, but you were always there for the important things, being everyone's rock. I'm sorry I ever called you unreliable; you were always there to help out in the most important of ways.


	7. Coward

**¡Hola! ¿Cómo estás? **

**Hehe, just felt a little Spanish then! Anyway, I want to give my thanks to loveinthebattlefield again for reviewing and a MAJOR thanks to SailorLeia for your amazingly kind words! Thank you so much, it's so nice to know that you enjoy reading my works as much as I enjoy yours! However I don't think I've reviewed your story yet…? In any case here's a little shameless promotion for you!**

**ATTENTION: If you have not yet (and seriously it's your loss then) please read ****SailorLeia****'s fanfic '****Fifteen Ways To Make Your Prince RememberYouExist!'**** It's hilarious but very sweet and all in all a feel good read. I promise I won't give away any endings or hints so here it is! **

**SailorLeia no Fanfiction O Yonde Kudasai!**

**And now, on with the fic!**

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><p><strong>Making It Up To You<strong>

**By Fedski**

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><p><strong>COWARD<strong>

_My Dear Serena…_

I never thought you were a coward. Yes, you were girlish and squealed and screamed at the slightest shock. Yes, you couldn't handle gore or monsters or heaven forbid _bugs_, but then I ask, what normal Japanese girl could? Even so, I called you a coward time and time again for things that if it were any other girl I'd ignore, brushing it off as only natural. When I think about it now I think that the reason I gave you all that crap for being 'scared' is because I knew that you were so much braver than that.

And really, since when does being grossed out by a caterpillar make you a coward? You stood up to bullies and weren't afraid to voice your opinions to your friends be it about a bad choice in boyfriends, clothes or attitude. And you certainly weren't the type to run away. Even though I knew fighting youmas terrified you, I don't think I've ever seen Sailor Moon run away from an unfinished battle and Serena even less. Especially one of ours Meatball Head. I think I can honestly say Serena that you're the only girl I've ever met that wasn't scared into submission by one of my glares, if anything it only spurred you on in your quest to get your point across. It's refreshing Serena…you're refreshing. It was great having a girl around, who for once, was not out for my attention, who didn't fall for what was on the outside, who would call me out for being a jerk when I really was. It has happened so many times before Serena, where a girl will see me and approach me and when I make a rude comment will somehow turn around its very obvious meaning into something else. I'll give you my favourite example. How can one change "Get away Ann, you're an eyesore" into "Please come and stalk me tomorrow, I'll buy you lunch then." ...? I'm not kidding Meatball Head after I told her not to see me again she shows up on my doorstep saying something about knowing I was just kidding yesterday and _knows_ that I meant to say that I'd take her out to lunch. Your blatant disregard for my status was very appealing and I have to say I quite enjoyed watching you telling off others who had done wrong as well. Your undeniable want for justice was so refreshing and your honesty was a breath of fresh air.

Yes, Meatball Head, you know it. I'm sorry I ever called you a coward, especially when it was so clear that you had more guts than I ever will. This letter itself proves that very fact, it's just that I couldn't bear the look in your eyes if I ever said this to your face.


	8. Meatball Head

**^.^**

**Hellooooo! I want to say thanks to ****SailorLeia**** and ****James Birdsong**** for their reviews in the last chapter! This is the second last chapter for this fic and I'm really happy with how it's come along! Thanks for everyone's support! :D I'm soooo thrilled, you know that Sailor Moon is being re published. Actually just yesterday I got book 3 in the mail and I've already finished reading it! Can't wait for book 4 to come out!**

**Darien: Fedski, you've already read it online, what difference is it having it in a book?**

***Fedski just blinks at Darien***

**Darien: OK, nevermind...**

***Serena and Darien slowly slink away***

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><p><strong>Making It Up To You<strong>

**By Fedski**

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><p><strong>MEATBALL HEAD<strong>

_My Dear Serena…_

I never thought you were a Meatball Head. Yes, the term was first uttered as a descriptive name, but I quickly turned it into an insult and that was one of my deepest regrets. You may not have noticed, Serena, but I have never given any other girl a nickname whatsoever, in fact, I only ever called your friends by their first names because they were _your_ friends and I think, subconsciously I wanted them to like me and not think I was a jerk – however true it may be. I really wanted them to think that we'd be good together if in fact I ever had the guts to tell you how I felt.

But I digress, I wanted to apologise for the nickname I bestowed upon you. Like I said, I managed to turn it into another way to rile you up and put you down, please believe me when I say that was not my original intention. Quite honestly when those words first left my lips I really meant it in an adoring way. Even now I can see the grimace you would have had on your face if I were saying this in person, but truly Serena, even though it became one, I didn't mean it a mockery that first time. In fact I have a secret to share. Every time I saw you, with your golden buns in the distance, I always felt so remarkably happy. And when we did activities together in a group I was always thankful for your unique hairstyle, it made it easy to keep track of where you were and look after you.

I have another confession I would like to tell you. There was another nickname that I never called you but now wish I had had the courage to. I think you would have liked it too. Usako. My Usako. Many times in my dreams I could see us dating and me calling you by that nickname. Of course in my dreams you would blush shyly with a beautiful smile. Really Usako, I wish I could have seen it happen for real.

I'm sorry I called you Meatball Head as an insult, what I really meant to say was _Usako_.


	9. Making It Up To You

**OK here it is, the final chapter! This is how I had always planned to finish this fic I hope that it doesn't disappoint. I want to thank all of you who were kind enough to review and / or subscribe to my story, it's really encouraging when that happens!**

**Thank you to James Birdsong, Boston, loveinthebattlefield (who also favourited!)and SailorLeia for your kind reviews! Thank you for taking the time to tell me what you thought of my fic!**

**Also a big thanks to Starrlight1812, Zanthia2, mixed array, Brizzy, lonjovana and IceQueenBarbarien for subscribing to this fic!**

**All of you guys are amazing! Thank you for your support! :D**

**Without further ado… Making it Up to You.**

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><p><strong>Making It Up To You<strong>

**By Fedski**

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><p>It was done. Saving the last document Darien stretched a little and turned on his printer. Looking out the window he saw the darkness fading, a glance at his watch confirmed that sunrise would be occurring in about a half hour. Printing each letter he carefully folded them and placed them in the silver envelopes he had purchased, on each one writing <em>For My Darling Serena.<em>

As he finished the last letter, Darien stood and collected the letters, checking he had his phone, keys and wallet he checked the time. Locking the door he made his way out.

The crisp, cool air was refreshing. He hadn't been out of the house for a while, Andrew coming over every other day with food and a good scolding for not eating properly. The girls would also come, but they only stayed a while, feeling the awkwardness was too great. But now walking along the empty street in the early morning Darien finally felt some semblance of normalcy. Tokyo had been good to him. Even though his memory had been lost, even if there were some bad memories, he always had the good ones to balance them out. He would miss Tokyo he decided, he would miss his old college and his work and Andrew and the girls…and of course he would miss her most of all.

Taking a right Darien passed under the large brick gate just as the sun peeked its head up over the land. Swiftly dodging between the markers Darien made his way to the one he hadn't had the courage to visit for three months.

_In Loving Memory of Serena Tsukino_

_Daughter, Friend, _

_Hero to us all._

_The Most Beautiful Soul in the World._

The sun's first rays shone on the white marbled, the silver words gleaming with its light. He smiled bitterly. "Hey Serena," he murmured softly. "Sorry it's taken me so long to come by, it's just…" He paused to take a deep breath and withhold his tears. "Well, I think you already know why it's been a while since I've come. I'm not brave like you Usako, I didn't know what to do."

He cast his eyes around him, needing a moment to compose himself, this was so much harder than he had thought. The soft grass glowed orange as the sun rose higher and higher inching its way into the blue sky.

Golden Hair. Blue Eyes.

He tore his eyes away. "Thanks Serena." He smiled. "I brought you something," He took out the letters and placed them on her grave. "It's everything I ever wanted to tell you…ok maybe not everything, otherwise I don't think I'd ever be able to leave Tokyo." He grinned sadly. "I'm sorry, but I have to go. This place, it reminds me too much of you. Every time I see the girls, every time I see Andrew…the arcade…" He trailed off and took a deep breath. "It's just too painful, Serena. I need a new start."

He stared at her marker wondering what she would be thinking, how she would respond. "Maybe someday I'll come back. Even if only to see you."

He stood there. The sun rose into the sky. He bent down on his knees and whispered to the cold stone. "I love you Serena, I'm sorry I never told you that. I'm sorry I never told you how precious you are to me."

Soft words whispered on the breeze floated to lover's ears and a smile graced her face as he turned and left, ready to start a new life.

_I love you too, Darien. I'm sorry I had to leave you…Mamo-chan._


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